Missing Girls and Questionable Mothers, Absent Fathers

OK I do not want to be slanderous at all so I have to point out this blog is based totally on opinion and observation of the news coverage on the missing case of Victoria Tori Stafford.

I am a mother. I have two girls. I only ever once thought I lost one of them, at a lake in BC that was TOTALLY crowded. For the three minutes it took me to find my daughter i was shaking, trembling, crying, scared, and mortified of the possibilities that could have happened. Once she was with me I was angry and relieved and so glad all at the same time. She was safe, unharmed and just testing her swimming abilities.... it could have been so tragic !

So when I try to imagine how i would feel on day 1, 3, 6, 9, 13 of my daughter being missing it is incredible hard to imagine me caring about keeping check of my emotions for the sake of the camera, the cousins, the aunts, the uncles, the police, the siblings... I would not be able to do it. My kids are my life. They are every breath I take. Which is why i am overprotective. I will not let my daughter walk to school alone, i will not let her walk home alone, i will not let her out of my site no matter where i live. I live in a small community, the same community that I grew up in, the same one that I was able to stay out til dark and walk to and from school every day. Alone. But it doesn't matter where you live, times have changed and the bad guys are everywhere, if they are smart bad guys they are preying on neighborhoods that think it wont happen here... where the parents are more lacadasial in watching their kids.. because they are so naive to think that it wont happen here.

So the story goes that she was walking home alone only that day because the brother decided to go with a friend. Did he not meet up with his sister to tell her this. Did he not notice a woman waiting for Tori? Or did he know the woman, waiting for Tori?

If you know your daughter is coming home and she is not home in the 15 minutes it takes to walk home, why didn't you call?? wait til 8pm or 6pm whenever it is that they called??

The video doesn't show her holding the woman's hand. every one is seeing things who says that.. watch it again. The father waiting for his son, didn't even flinch. so he doesn't matter unless he saw the woman and knows who she is.

The father. He has shown true and raw emotion, he has not be flaunting his life on the news, and shows genuine concern. He is not in this to get famous. He wants his daughter back. he has made no facade to try to trick us to think he is better than he is or perfect in any way. Many criticize him for being absent from the media.. but he is looking for his daughter. He is there searching for the one thing that makes his life whole... I'm glad he is not up in the cameras right now.

The mother.... hair changes, big sunglasses, inappropriate press conference clothing.. lack of emotion. She just irks me. And then the trust funds? Seriously??
Ever heard of victim services? They will provide all the counselling you and your whole family will need. You don't need trust funds, no one has a heart condition that is going to cost millions to fix without benefits. YOU DO NOT NEED MONEY except maybe to pay off your debts that got you here? It is so hard to be compassionate for a woman who shows no compassion! The phone company wont cut the stafford phone off right now.. and it shouldnt even be in jeopardy of that unless of course you havent been paying your bills? Is this a way to make money? That is what it seems like. Planning events for next month?? One day at a time, what happened to that?? NO BIKE RALLY! What the hell? Your daughter could be back by then? She could be dead? She could still just be living in your aunts basement?

How does a house that is surrounded by media and police and gawkers get a 5 foot plastic tree dropped off and no one notice??

it looks so fishy and it is soo hard.

No one but the police know the cold hard facts, well maybe the mother and her shady shady boyfriend.

The fact is Victoria Tori Stafford is still missing and it is affecting all of Canada. Everyone wants to know how an 8 year old vanishes into thin air?

The speculation doesnt help of course.

Just find her, bring her home. And mom, if you know where she is, tell them. You should be brought down. Your little girl is suffering because of you!

I know I will take slack from it, but frick. What else??

What?

I just can not get over all the drama in the news.

First it was the truck being stolen in sherwood park with a baby in it.. the mother scrutinized for her choices. A split second, that is all it was, and some kid who escaped from a group home jumped behind the wheel. He didnt know when he first got in, that there was a baby, but it wasnt long after he realized. - Baby and truck were returned safely a few hours later... but the whole community is of course still discussing the decisions she made, good or bad, and the consequences that should be faced. So tragic.

Then there is the 8 year old left to walk home alone only three blocks from her home after school (something i disagree with, she is 8! I am way over protective I guess.... but I just can not allow myself the moment of opportunity that my child will go missing. Especially if she were walking alone! She has yet to be found. There is a video tape showing her walking away willingly with another woman.. no one in her family knows who it is.. but she is putting up no struggle and she has not been heard from since.

Then last night I hear about the sunday school teacher who sexually abused then killed a little girl in her church. She left her body in a suitcase... she was a mother... what the hell??

What is wrong with this world? Where are the consequences? Come on people. This is enough. Our children are our future.. how can we teach them these things?

How can we be so at risk??

It breaks my heart.

What is up with this crazy world?

I can not believe that in a matter of a couple days the topics of my blogs have not been about my visits to the gym or my attempts to get there every day.

They have not been about who is doing what and where and superficial things that really dont matter... like the fact that the emillionaire system I wanted to share with you is a SCAM! Yes for a dollar 95 they will call you and want to charge you another 30 a month for information I could tell you free anytime you want to hear it! Want to make money online? Want to sell on Ebay? I have been there and done that and the money they are scamming from people makes my stomache twist...

But the more important news is the disappearance of Victoria Stafford. Again. Another crazy incident outside of a school.. with parents and children all amuck and another child is gone! What gives?

The surveillence video shows her walking willingly away with a woman. Right past a man waiting for his son... did they see her, did they recognize the woman with her? DId they pay any attention to it at all, it seemed so normal, not stressed, not forced.

Then you read the media, and you know that vital information is being with held... for the sake of the investigation which I get... but help us, the parents of the children who do come home today, to understand what it is that we are missing?

How can this keep happening? With all the education, surveillance, etc... further up the street, was there more cameras that were looking out?

Sigh.

It saddens me.

Deeply.

I wish that we knew what the whole story was, but just like on TV, without a trace, or any of those shows, there is sometimes things they have to keep from the public, so that when they get a tip or a lead it is exclusive and the perps dont have a chance to get away from the information. Cause bad guys watch tv too.

What involvement do the family have if any? Neighbors? Friends? Co workers? Enemies?

We can strategize all we want... but right now a family is broken, a mother probably so distraught she can not eat or sleep or do anything but pray her daughter comes home. A father so in agony that life seems worthless?!

I know that is how i would feel. The desperation this family must feel, cause even I a stranger, who doesnt know them from a hole in the ground, feels devestated for them. I am so blessed my two kids are with me, safe. I love them so much. It is times like this that i can forget their petty fighting and annoying tantrums. I love them so much, and I am so grateful for them.

I pray for the Stafford family that she be brought home safely.

Amber Alert Sherwood Park Baby

So I have to write a post about it because it has been so talked about.
I live in Sherwood Park. I went to school with the mother in question. A close friend of mine was there when the whirlwind began. The worst two hours of any mothers life.

Now you see the media spin things out of control.

The facts:

She had the baby in a car seat, sleeping in the front seat, because the passenger air bags turn off on that seat.

She stepped out of her vehicle to receive her other child walking across the street after school.

Some punk casually hopped into the vehicle and drove away.

He called, from her cell phone, the grandfather to tell him where the truck was.

There are other facts, of personal nature, that may or may not affect your whole opinion on this case. But they are not for me to divulge I guess... I was in fact, not THERE, but my friend, who was, shared all the details with me.

The scariest 2 and a half hours of my life

No kidding.

Ok so knowing all the facts, and then some I have a few things I want to touch on.

The first thing is, this ended happily. The baby was found, unharmed, untouched. The vehicle was not wrapped around a pole and the child was reunited with his adoptive mother. (yup)

Everyone is now safe. But the torment and scrutiny is not going to end there. I have two kids... so I can play both sides.

1. Why was the child in the front seat? Even if the stupid airbags turn off, since the beginning of car seats, the safest place for the child is to be in the middle row in the middle seat... before there were airbags, that is where they tell you to put the child. It is just safer. Maybe not more convenient, but safer... Would it have made a difference with the young car thief? Maybe only for the worse, as there was no way to not notice the car seat after he started driving away. Baby Noah was sleeping, so he wasnt making noise. The thief may have not noticed the baby and could have been a lot more reckless with the vehicle which would have caused many many more tragic hours.... So maybe it was lucky then?

2. It is less than thirty seconds to remove the keys from the ignition. Lock the doors. I do it all the time. I hate leaving the doors unlocked... even in the quaint little big hamlet of sherwood park, crime happens, put a shiny new truck running with keys in the ignition doors unlocked and place one loser near it and it is inevitable the shiny new truck will be gone. Would you think someone would do that in front of several stores, and lots of parents pickingup their kids, in front of homes, a school and a busy intersection. Shaking my head... the thing is this.. we ALL know it can happen, at ANY time. ANYWHERE. So with the most precious things in your life why would you risk it? So when you are putting groceries in the car... do you start it throw the kids in and then load up the trunk... opportunity.. could happen then... (I dont but it could happen) how about when you drop something in the mail. Run in for milk? Run up to the door to get something from someones house... or to collect a child from school. It just seems so routine, that in those things it would not happen, the thing you do every day. I can honestly say, if I have ever left my kids in the car, for any reason at all, when it is -30 i might leave the car running... in which case, I leave one key in the ignition, and I lock the doors, and I take the other key with me. Its just not worth the risk, so I seldom do even that. convenience doesnt matter when it comes to the kids.

3. It is a portable child carrier, the weather was nice... just take him with you. He is worth so much more.

I know that she will NEVER ever do that again!! She is a responsible parent, regardless of what you think. This woman has the biggest heart of any person I know. Her whole life she has been compassionate, and friendly and caring and nurturing. Her family is so sickenly wonderful they almost look like a tv family. Cast to be the good church going neighbors everyone wishes they had. But like all of us, she is human and in a moment of weakness made one bad decision that she will be scrutinized for, for the rest of her life!!

But while you are judging her look in your own mirror. How many times have you stepped away from the vehicle, the house, the cart in the shopping center. How many times have you turned your back at the park. How many times have you lit a cigarette, or had a drink then got in the car.. yes even that one drink could have been a bad decision. We all make them. They are insignificant until something happens. In this case, she was a victim as much as she was the person who caused it. Had she not left her keys, he would have taken the next available vehicle.. and maybe there would be no baby in the car... maybe there would be? Who knows.

But judging her doesnt change the facts. She made a bad decision which turned into hours of hell.. days of hell if you look at the blogs and message boards and everything else?!

She is a caring compassionate woman. And had it been you who had made this same mistake she would be standing there beside you consoling you and helping you find your missing car and child. She would not be judging you. I know this, and everyone who knows Brooke, knows this.

Even though her and I were friends lifetimes ago, I know the core being that she is, has never ever changed. She is as wonderful now as she was then. I grieve for her, because I know how she will torment herself. I know she will be scrutinized and everyone will forget all the good she does.. for the moment. Because they are too busy pointing fingers and asking why didnt you do this and why didnt you do that.

She is not some crackhead who didnt care... she is a loving mother, who was also concerned for the safety of her other child crossing the street. It is such a catch 22.

My prayers and thoughts are with you Brooke, your family, the little boy, and everyone around you who has been affected by this tragic story that ended so happily.

I bet the kid who stole the car will never steal a car again..... he was not a kidnapper on purpose. Maybe God taught two lessons in one??

lets hope.

Blessings Brooke, from an old friend who is thinking about you in this tragic time.